Beams of morning glow scattered upon my face ushering in the birth of a new day. Paralyzed, I gazed emotionless at the ceiling as if consumed by a trance. Soon only one word devoured my mind … ”Lost.” I stumbled across the room, wiping the sleep from my eyes, my mind bustling. Beads of water rolled down drowsy skin as I rapidly tossed the lukewarm liquid toward my face. With an ink-branded arm perched on the edge of the sink I gazed dumbfounded into the mirror, and became paralyzed once again. The reflection staring back at me was foreign. Suddenly, I collapsed upon the cold damp floor consumed by the broken shell of a person that possessed me. Tears erupted from my eyes as I inwardly shouted, “Who have I become?”
Momma told me this would happen -my first mental break down. In my mind’s eye I had always pictured myself in my thirties seeking refuge behind a locked bathroom door, with the sound of whining children banging on the barricade, puppy paws squeezing their way through the crack at the bottom. Instead, there I was, 24 years old, 24 pounds above my goal weight, burdened with at least 24 more reasons why my life was going nowhere. Every day I made the trek to my dream job, I was healthy, I was young, and the positives outweighed the negatives in my life. Yet, these facts escaped me. Why?
I was Faith-Less.
Faith means “being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.” It means believing in something without a doubt, staying positive no matter the odds, and rising up every time we fall. Momma named me Faith to empower me when my will was weak. However, I found my self-consumed in doubt and caring about everyone but myself. I was Faith-Less in every sense of the word. My life was a masquerade, dancing around switching masks, never revealing my true form. It was at this Pivotal moment in my life that I decided something had to change. I was allowing myself to live a mediocre life. My family, friends, and community deserved me at my best. As I became increasingly jaded, I allowed my God-given purpose, destiny, and dreams to fade away. I knew it was time to become Faith-Full.
Are you Faith-Full?
Keep your glass half full,
Join me on the journey of eternal empowerment and positivity!
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